Manifesto of a Fat Person

I am Fat. There, I said it. I used the F word. I am Fat. I do not like being fat. I do not accept being fat. Those are masks for the world; more for those who do not know me than those who do. Those who know me know that I wish for more. I wish for small, I wish for less, but they accept me as I am. They do not accept that I cannot be less, they accept me as I am, and there is a difference. Inside, I never accept that this is who I am and it cannot change. Yes, there are times. Times, after a long hard battle, A battle I really thought I would win. When I am tired and disappointed more for my loved ones than myself. When depression and failure are closest; “I CAN NOT DO THIS!’ “I AM A FAILURE!” But you know I am not. I am a fighter. I need to accept the failure for what it is. It is not a weakness. It is not about whether I was serious about winning the fight. I am always serious. I am always thinking about the next move. Even as those words “cannot” and “failure”, leave my mouth, they leave a bad taste. A taste I cannot tolerate. More that anything else, even being Fat, I cannot accept failure. So I rest, and regroup. It may look as if I am doing nothing to change my disposition. But I am. I am thinking. I am gathering information. I am regrouping. I am rebuilding my armor and arsenal, for I know the fight will come again.


I am a person of God. I know that the body is the temple of God. I have never been unaware. But, I am also a sinner. I indulge where I should not. I do not intend to indulge. However I do not defer responsibility. Just like any other sin, I repent. I ask for strength, I plead for this cross to be lifted. Maybe, just maybe, for me, it is not about losing weight. Maybe it is after all about the fight. Not the victory, but the battle. Maybe, my fight isn’t necessarily for me, but for another. Maybe, when I fight, another sees and gains strength. Another begins to fight also, and while I am without success, another is victorious. Maybe, I am not to be small or less, but to be more, strong, defiant, determined. Maybe I need to fight this fight for myself, in order to help others fight for themselves. Maybe this is Gods plan after all. Maybe God wants me to know that I truly am his child. My temple may be in disrepair, but my sanctuary, my heart, is pure with love for God.

I will fight again and again. As a fat person, I know more about being thin and healthy than those for whom it comes naturally. When the battle is over, and I go to be with my lord, and this imperfect temple is replaced with a perfect one, I will be victorious, because I never lost sight of my true purpose. This imperfect temple is “of” this world, and I am not. I am “in” this world. I will leave this world and join the sanctuary of the Lord forever.

But until then... In this world...I will fight on... For my soul.

Anyone know a good repair man?